BreakBrokeBroken
by SuperPinguin
Summary: Rose & Scorpius. No Summary because fy. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

There's just one way to describe my childhood: I was popular, way too much if you'd ask my family, and I must agree with them. My parents saved the whole fucking world so of course I was. I got invitations to every party and every birthday. Everyone wanted to be my friend and I got whatever I wanted.

So you've probably guessed by now that I was a spoiled bitch, and I must admit that yes, I was one. I haven't always been one though. Hermione Granger is my mum after all and she teached me to be nice, polite and friendly towards everyone. But then in my third year at hogwarts I heard some girls in my year talking shit about me. Today I'm sure that they were just jealous but I was young, 13 years old, hurt and quite stupid so I did what every female teenager would have done: I lost weight, let my hair grow, used make-up and dressed like a bitch. I went to partys with my cousins and smoked willowweed but everyone did it so therefore it was cool.

I got my first boyfriend in that year as well. His name was John and he looked this kind of teddycute because his eyes were dark brown and his hair was tousled all the time besides he was totally in love with me and he payed for everything at our Hogsmeade weekends. The problem was just that I was this heartless bitch so when he told me that he loved me I just laughed. I broke up with John after like a week when _he _found _me_ snogging some fifth year Ravenclaw because "he was too boring and stressed me".

Nearly one year later, in the middle of my forth year, I first met Scorpius at a party somewhere in the dungeons which of course isn't really the truth because I had had lessons with him and all that shit but we'd never really talked to each other before.

Anyway back to this party. I had drunken quite a lot and my boyfriend had just ditched me so I snogged the first guy I met and soon we left the party for a nice little shag in an empty classroom. Yes, it was my first time. And yes, I don't even remember his name but as I have already told you I was a slut. However, after that I felt kind of empty I mean seriously I'd lost my virginity to a drunken asshole, yaay, and I went back to the party for another drink and then I ran straight into Scorpius who was quite drunk himself but thought it was his fault and he apologized for like 20 minutes and then we ended up in a corner of the room sharing his bottle of firewhiskey.

And then somehow, I don't really remember how, we became friends. We started to spend so much time together. We went to partys with each other, ate lunch at the lake with each other and played Quidditch. Bloody hell, we even fucked once or twice after one of his girlfriends had broken up with him.

And then shortly before I graduated it stopped. My whole world broke and I wanted to run away as fast and as far as I could which is actually why I traveled around the world even though I'd given mum and dad that "I want to find myself"-speech. Ever since I've stayed in the US to study and now I'm sitting on my bed with a fucking invitation to the next Rememeber-The-Shit-That-Happened-In-The-Past-That-Made-Your-Parents-Famous-Ball at Hogwarts. And it's in a week. And I haven't been home like 5 years and 3 months. And I really miss Britain therefore I decide to go.

When I finally find all my stuff and my old school trunk I try to apparate quietly back home in my old room, I know it's kind of unpolite but hey who gives a fuck? My parents must have heard it though because they come in my room and after staring at me in shock for some minutes, they haven't heard anything from me since almost 5 years so I can't really blame them, they hug me and tell me how happy they are and they have missed me soo much and I'm probably back for the ball and if I've got a date because Albus hasn't one yet.

Yeaah they are still ignoring the fact that my heart fucking broke. They ignore that I still feel lost and empty. They ignore that it will never ever be as it used to be. So after what felt like ten hours of talking about the last years, I mostly just nodded and hmmyeahed, I can finally go to bed.

The next days are quite eventful. I meet my whole family and catch up with them. Lily invites me to a party at Thursday and I don't really feel like mum would be happy if I go but I will probably do it anyway. Albus and James keep telling me their stupid jokes but I've missed them so much that I laugh about nearly everyone and they are really really bad. Aunt Audrey still bakes her amazing muffins and gives me another one every time I've finished the last one. Grandpa tells me about this new muggle stuff and Granny looks at him as if he was crazy. So you see, nothing has changed at all.

* * *

When Thursday evening finally arrives I tell mum that I'll leave now for the party and I feel at least a tiny bit guilty when I see her smile fading.

The party is in full swing when Lily, I an her giggling friends appaer. I try to follow them through the crowd but a kissing couple blocks my way and I loose their track. I must admit that I don't really mind because they are this kind of brainless toastbread-bitches. Trust me, even I wasn't that annoying and stupid. Anyway the problem with me being alone at partys is just that I tend to drink too much and I dance too much and then everything starts to twirl around. Sadly, this is exactly what happens and the last few things I can remember is that I laugh and end up in someone's arms and he smells so so good and I kiss him.

When I wake up in a foreign bed the next morning I'm not really shocked because after all I'm used to it, right? Though my heartbeat doubles when the guy turns his head in my direction and I can see brown eyes and tousled hair but it isn't him. It's just some guy. I stare at him for another few seconds before I quickly disapparate. Calm down. It's not him. Inhale. Exhale. Calm down.

Back home there's someone waiting in my room but I'm still drunk so I stumble into his arms. It's Scorpius. Honestly I've never been so happy to see him before, he's the only one that can make me forget. Scorpius hugs me and says how much he has missed me and then we start to dance around the room because we used to do this all the time and we laugh while doing it.


	2. Chapter 2

The next hours are horrible. All I can think of is him and I'll be alone the rest of the evening because my parents are already in Hogsmeade to help preparing for the ball the next evening. I go to bed early but I wake up at midnight and quietly sneak to my brother's room. I carefully open his creaking door and I can see the old moving pictures of James, Albus, Lily, me and him. We're still laughing because we don't know yet that he won't be with us a few weeks after this picture had been taken. I watch him smiling and try to remember the exact shade of his brown beady eyes and his tousled hair.

Suddenly I feel salty tears streaming down my face. I know that it wasn't my entire fault but maybe if I had been smarter in third year and hadn't become a slut I would have been there for him and I could have saved him. And then I'm angry so I punch the wall while screaming like a banshee.

* * *

I wake up when sunlight streams through old dusty curtains and though I don't want to go to this stupid ball I make myself ready just so I have to do something.

After finishing my make-up I disapparate to Hogsmeade. Many people are already inside of the greathall so I can't find me parents, not that I'd like to hang out with them anyway. They would just act as if it hadn't happened at all. As if Hugo wasn't dead.

But I see Scorpius and I walk towards him and after one look in my eyes he just hugs me and then we go to our place at the lake and he hugs me again and kisses my forehead and makes stupid jokes so I can forget everything for a while. And then he whispers in my ear that he will always be there for me because I'm his best friend even though I ran away and left him. I just nod and feel tears streaming down my face again. We sit down and I look at the lake and how the sunlight reflects on the surface.

"He'd always loved to sit here and watch the sun and swim and laugh. But now he's gone. Scorpius... Is it my fault? I'm his sister. I... I should have helped him but I was so selffish and stupid", my voice sounds hoarsely and I stop talking.

Why did it have to be my brother? He was so young and he was perfect. He probably was the only one of us who didn't take drugs, sure he was a partyguy as well but he didn't drink as much and he wasn't as bitchy and unpolite as the rest of us.

Scorpius takes my hand and he intertwines our fingers but for a while he just stares at our hands and at the lake before he starts to speak. His voice sounds even worse than mine. "Rose. It's not your fault. I... I've wanted to tell you this for a while now but... Look, do you remember Christmas in our seventh year? We all stayed at Hogwarts. And..." His voice breaks and he looks into my eyes for a second or two and I can hear the pain almost screaming out of his body but then he quickly looks away and continues.


	3. Chapter 3

"And it was two months before he killed himself, remember? And we met at Christmas at this party but after a while there was no firewhiskey left so me and Hugo... Well, we went to Hogsmeade to get some more and we opened a bottle at the way back to school and then we talked a little bit and he suddenly said 'Have you ever felt so empty that you wanted to die, Scorp?' and then he laughed... But I was drunk and I thought he was joking and laughed as well. I wish I could say I tried to help him. I really do but I didn't see it... I couldn't see how he really felt. Rosie... It's my fault. I should have said something to someone. I should have tried to help or at least to get help. It's my fault... R-Rose" he talks quieter and quieter until his voice completely breaks and I suddenly want to hurt him and scream that it actually is his fault but I can't. My body doesn't move as if I'd lost the control. After some minutes I finally can let go of his hand and I get up and run away though I hear him shouting my name and chasing after me but as soon as I arrive in Hogsmeade I spin around and disapparate.

Mum and Dad come home shortly past one in the morning but they don't check for me because they probably think I'm still at the ball. I sleep for a few hours and I dream of Scorpius with a knife in his hand and he's stabbing my brother and I'm there as well but I just watch and don't stop him and then I start to scream and wake up when I hear my own scream in reality. It's 4 am but I get up and with a quick movement of my wand all my stuff floats into my trunk. Before I disapparate back to Chicago I brush my long wavy hair which is, unlike my brother's hair used to be, weasleyred.

* * *

It's been 5 months since I left England and I haven't answered one of Scorpius's letters or anyone's at all. So I'm quite shocked when one monday I enter my small flat and Scorpius is sitting on my bed as he did all these months ago on my bed in England. "Rose. I need to talk to you. Please." He looks into my eyes and I avoid his gaze by watching a fly buzzing around. He doesn't talk so I sigh and gesture him to start. "I'm sorry Rosie. I've been an selffish asshole. Remember in our first years when I used to be shy and a teacher's pet? I was so nice but I was alone and then in third year I heard some girls talking about you and I saw your face. You looked so broken but I didn't help you because I didn't know how and then you changed and all I wanted was to be liked just like you were. So I changed, too. And then we were friends and Hugo asked me... what I've told you and I thought that I knew how he felt because I thought that I used to feel exactly like him. So... I still guessed that he wouldn't do it anyway because I saw no reason why he would kill himself, you know? Because yes, you were a slut and sometimes you were the worst sister one could have but everytime someone really needed you, you were there and helped. I've realised now that he'd fallen deeper into his black hole than I've ever done. Nobody could have saved him, Rose. I hope you'll forgive me one day that I didn't try but I'm sure you know deep down that it was impossible. I want you to forgive yourself,too because it wasn't your fault. I love you, Rosie. You're wonderful." And then he gets up and leaves and closes the door behind him.

* * *

I've been looking for Scorpius since 2 weeks now. I've sent him thousands of letters but he hasn't answered. I even apparated to Malfoy Manor and visited his parents but they couldn't help me either. And at first I was sad but now I'm just angry. Seriously how should I tell him that I've forgiven him when he has disappeared?!

And then another week later I walk home after a very long night and when I close the door and want to fall in my bed he's sitting there again. And he just gets up and hugs me. I look up into his amazing grey eyes and I wonder what Hugo would have told me to do and I realise that I'll miss my brother forever and when I tell Scorpius he just smiles and says that this is the reason why I need him and he kisses me. When I break the kiss for a second to look at him, his eyes beam with joy and I'm sure that I love him and maybe one day I won't feel broken anymore with him by my side.


End file.
